Cab-ride story

The night is young and I’m in a cab-ride back Home from the port. The driver has lost his son and wants to talk about it. Sixteen years old. Motorbike crash. To lose a child.. A pain unknown to me yet seeing it around me makes me realise what an inhumane loss this must be. It’s been 10 years since his death but to his father, it seems like it was a second ago.

 

“Perhaps he learnt in those few 16 years of his, SomeThing which we (the rest of us) are still trying to figure out” I said.

I can actually feel his worry. Guilt is seeping through him.

“What could I have done as a parent to prevent this?

Why did I get him a motorbike? 

Why did this happen?”

The echo of the always present WHY footprint skyline..

home view

It occurs to me that..

everything has got a hidden moral.

You just need to look hard to find it.

Things happen for a reason. The chaos theory exists. We do affect one another in the smallest yet largest impact ways.. everything IS indeed connected and so, if something happens, from the smallest to the biggest thing, chance, change, accidental, coincidental, consequential.. Drop all cloaks and mechanisms.. and see it for what it is.

Time passes, scars don’t heal, you’re disappointed with yourself because you haven’t picked up sooner. You want it to pass. It’s taking to long.. What am I missing here..?

If the mind or soul is in a loop then.. possibly.. the moral has yet not been derived.

Why not think.. of how this changes me? and if everything has its purpose and a life can be the catalyst for a person or a relationship to be changed, trigger-ed, affected, and the effect being a certain response to be triggered. An entire process begins, uprooting, rerooting, derooting carefully.. between the grass, searching where – at which point – has he/she/me/you – have done something worthy of such a punishment. Such is pain. It becomes the ignition of our Catharsis Process.

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End of session.

It helped.

No thank yious. how dare i even voice these theories of mine, to a man that is suffering subjective pain about an intense situation which i can only relate to. how dare i interfere with someone’s, anyone’s, journey? what can i do other than voice words and listen with care?

Remembrance of the time I used to do this.

A Time back in time I used to think this was it. I had found my purpose in life. I had a surreal talent bumping into the most random of situations and people opening up to me.

There has to be a clue around here.. I had found that I can connect all skills, like unconditional comfort, understanding, a bent perspective on my part.

Finally someone is willing to see things “your way” and to listen to your side of the story. Stranger or friend, if this person is there, the right time and moment, you might find yourself surprised with how much comfort you can find in a perfect stranger, in a passing moment, in a city where you probably wont see each-other again..

Teach Acceptance, not Tolerance.

How can I receive a Thank You from someone, Any One, for help, which I myself have borrowed? Help which I have been given in the past, when I needed it.

How MANY times in Life, ever since FOR EVER, people, have said the right thing, the right time, to complete a mental process of my own or even to guide me – without prior thinking of mine – towards any direction of thought/decision.. therefore non-biased. but accidental and divinely synchronised. yet.. how MANY times have i been helped by the streets? by people you find, in the most random dodgy places, at random times, clubs, cabs, bakeries, corners and streets, parties, festivals, exhibitions, pavements, ancient ruins, steps, hangouts with a good view.. random people, from a different place, far away or around here, friends, strangers, pre-destined pieces of Art, pre-announcing the coming of something – something which you’d never thought about before yet now makes absolutely perfect sense. THiS is it. The catalyst for all the thinking. And so, it MAKES SENSE. Finally.

When your work is done here, then the loop unfolds and you move in to the next level. Like unlocking a stage in a computer game. Figure out the moral and you move on to next level. Then the loops become scars and then the scars become wisdom. Some point.

I owe it, to pass it on.

As far as I know and as I can help, in a silent and respectful manner, without guiding the thinking process, nor giving an opinion or an answer.
Without interfering / without tampering / without enforcing
yet
providing the understanding / open forgiveness / tender care / simplicity / humanity
and thus the other human being receives the warmth necessary to wisely take the next step.

Leaving from his/her loop.. moving to next stage

Long journey it is. Brace yourself.

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Becoming a Person

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This abstract investigates the final steps of the process on becoming a fully grown person, independent, interdependent and unique, which comes from the acceptance of certain factors.

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Based on four very influential theories while merging one theory from each sector: Philosophy, Psychology, Spirituality, Physics. As Capra called it: An Exploration of the Parallels between Modern Physics and Eastern Mysticism.

The final acceptance that man is nothing more, or nothing less, than a homo sapien, basically implies that there comes a point where man fully accepts his pure self without displaying (consciously or unconsciously) theaters of control; A collection of behaviors a human has been accustomed to getting certain responses from and thus repeats them in order to control others. Either this is done openly and knowingly, or at a more subtle (less aware) level as a way of life, but nonetheless controlling.

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Human:

“The basic discovery of psychotherapy seems to be – if our observations as human beings have any validity – that we do not need to be afraid of being merely homo sapiens.

It is the discovery that if we can add to the sensory and visceral experiencing, which is characteristic of the whole animal kingdom, the gift of a free and undistorted awareness of which only the human animal seems fully capable. We have an organism that is beautifully and constructively realistic. We have then an organism which is aware of the demands of the culture as it is of its own physiological demands for food or sex, which is just as aware of its desire for friendly relationships as it is of its desire to aggrandize itself, which is as aware of its delicate and sensitive tenderness towards others, as it is of its hostilities towards others.

When man’s unique capacity of awareness is thus functioning freely and fully, we find that we have, not an animal whom we must fear, not a beast who must be controlled, but an organism able to achieve, through the remarkable integrative capacity of its central nervous system, a balanced, realistic, self enhancing, other enhancing, behavior, as a resultant of all these elements of awareness. To put it another way, when man is less than fully man, when he denies to awareness various aspects of his experience, then indeed we have all too often a reason to fear his behavior, as the present world situation testifies. But when he is most fully man, when he is a complete organism, when awareness of experience, that peculiarly human attribute, is most fully operating, then he is to be trusted, then his behavior is constructive. It will not always be conforming. It will be individualized.”

from: A psychotherapist’s view on Becoming a Person by Carl Rogers * 

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This behavior and state of emotional maturity, as well as grounded focused awareness, derives from acceptance as well as growth.

Growth that comes when a human stops playing games, games of power or control, either consciously or unconsciously.

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These games were first stated by psychiatrist Eric Berne, in his book: Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relationships, in 1964. 

The book describes both functional and dysfunctional social interactions.

In the first half of the book, Berne introduces Transactional Analysis as a way of interpreting social interactions.

He describes three roles or ego states known as the Child, the Parent, and the Adult and postulates that many negative behaviors can be traced to switching or confusion of these roles.

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He discusses procedures, rituals, and pastimes in social behavior, in light of this method of analysis.

For example, a boss who talks to his staff as a controlling parent will often engender self-abased obedience, tantrums, or other childlike responses from his employees.

The second half of the book constructs a catalog of a series of “games” in which people interact through a patterned and predictable series of “transactions” which are superficially plausible (that is, they may appear normal to bystanders or even to the people involved), but which actually conceal motivations, include private significance to the parties involved, and lead to a well-defined predictable outcome, usually counterproductive.

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Not all interactions or transactions are part of a game.

Specifically, if both parties in a one-on-one conversation remain in an Adult state, it is unlikely that a game is being played.

Therefore, in order for true interaction to occur, both individuals have to be in a grown up state, without trying to gain control. Having nothing to win and nothing to lose, communication can be honest and equal.

Unless we break the circle, we will continue playing the same game over and over again, having the same responses and experiences, over and over again.

We think we’re relating to other people but actually we’re all playing games.

Transactional Analysis is discussed here in detail.

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Transactional Analysis & popular culture

New Age author James Redfield has acknowledged Harris and Berne as important influences in his best-seller The Celestine Prophecy. The protagonists in the novel survive by striving (and succeeding) in escaping from “control dramas” that resemble the games of TA.)

Redfield describes that “control dramas” are basically theaters of control (Transactional Analysis), although he suggests (in his book “The Celestine Prophecy”) that ulterior motives behind theaters of control are not only psychological but manipulating in terms of controlling energy.

The link to Redfield’s insightful interview on Transactional Analysis as well as what happens after man is freed from playing games, found in this post.

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To become a person, an individual, one has to look inwards as well as outwards. The internal search (psychotherapy) meets external observation and appreciation (physics) and thus man can become a medium, having a balance between the two.

It is probably true quite generally that in the history of human thinking, the most fruitful developments frequently take place at those points where two different lines of thought meet.
These lines may have their roots in quite different parts of human culture, in different times or different cultural environments or different religious traditions: hence if they actually meet, that is, if they are at least so much related to each other that a real interaction can take place, then one may hope that new and interesting developments may follow.

inspired by: Werner Heisenberg

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Introducing at this point: the theory of energetics, which supports that energy is under transformation, thus evolving.

Everyone realizes, at one level or another, that manipulation is a feature of common human psychology. Manipulation occurs either due to subconscious or conscious Psychological ulterior motives (Transactional Analysis) which later on was studied and related to energy flow (notice that when you are having a conversation with someone who insists, how you are drained from strength, stamina, energy). In Redfield’s interview he clarifies the connection between Transactional Analysis and energetics.

Not only in terms of interaction but also in terms of evolution, when a personality evolves, it becomes witness of a change occurring, either around or inside him/her.

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A fully grown individual who does not – consciously or unconsciously – play games, through the process of maturing, gradually realizes that everything is interconnected. A realization deriving from empirical knowledge, when a human has overcome his/her own personal dramas and is thus receptive to observing, clearly, the processes occurring inside him/her and around him/her.. and gradually it becomes evident that everything contains the same energy flow.

Not only is this felt and described in various literary masterpieces but is also proven with the connection of Western and Eastern philosophy.

Such a book is “The Tao of Physics” a book by physicist Fritjof Capra, published in 1975 by Shambhala Publications (The Tao of Physics: An Exploration of the Parallels Between Modern Physics and Eastern Mysticism) which is attached here:  The_Tao_of_Physics

“I had gone through a long training in theoretical physics and had done several years of research. At the same time, I had become very interested in Eastern mysticism and had begun to see the parallels to modern physics. I was particularly attracted to the puzzling aspects of Zen which reminded me of the puzzles in quantum theory.”

Fritjof Capra

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The basics of energy flow is broken down in the science of “Energetics”.

Energetics:

(What is it?)

Energetics is the scientific study of energy under transformation. Because energy flows at all scales, from the quantum level, to the biosphere and cosmos, energetics is therefore a very broad discipline, encompassing for example thermodynamics, chemistry, biological energetics, biochemistry  and ecological energetics.

Lehninger contended that when the science of thermodynamics deals with energy exchanges of all types, it can be called energetics.

 

Aims:

In general, energetics is concerned with seeking principles that accurately describe the useful and non-useful tendencies of energy flows and storage under transformation.

‘Principles’ are understood here as phenomena which behave like historical invariants under multiple observations.
When some critical number of people have observed such invariance, such a principle is usually then given the status of a ‘fundamental law’ of science.

Like in all science, whether or not a theorem or principle is considered a fundamental law appears to depend on how many people agree to such a proposition. The ultimate aim of energetics therefore is the description of fundamental laws.

Philosophers of science have held that the fundamental laws of thermodynamics can be treated as the laws of energetics. Through the clarification of these laws energetics aims to produce reliable predictions about energy flow and storage transformations at any scale; nano to macro.

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Principles of energetics:

Odum proposed 3 further energetic principles and one corollary that take energy hierarchy into account. The first four principles of energetics are related to the same numbered laws of thermodynamics, and are expanded upon in that article. The final four principles are taken from the ecological energetics of H.T. Odum.

* Zeroth principle of energetics

If two thermodynamic systems A and B are in thermal equilibrium, and B and C are also in thermal equilibrium, then A and C are in thermal equilibrium.

* First principle of energetics

The increase in the internal energy of a system is equal to the amount of energy added to the system by heating, minus the amount lost in the form of work done by the system on its surroundings.

* Second principle of energetics

The total entropy of any isolated thermodynamic system tends to increase over time, approaching a maximum value.

* Third principle of energetics

As a system approaches absolute zero of temperature all processes cease and the entropy of the system approaches a minimum value or zero for the case of a perfect crystalline substance.

* Fourth principle of energetics

There seem to be two opinions on the fourth principle of energetics:

The Onsager reciprocal relations are sometimes called the fourth law of thermodynamics. As the fourth law of thermodynamics Onsager reciprocal relations would constitute the fourth principle of energetics.
In the field of ecological energetics H.T. Odum considered maximum power, the fourth principle of energetics. Odum also proposed the Maximum empower principle as a corollary of the maximum power principle, and considered it to describe the propensities of evolutionary self-organization.

* Fifth principle of energetics

The energy quality factor increases hierarchically. From studies of ecological food chains, Odum proposed that energy transformations form a hierarchical series measured by Transformity increase (Odum 2000, p. 246). Flows of energy develop hierarchical webs in which inflowing energies interact and are transformed by work processes into energy forms of higher quality that feedback amplifier actions, helping to maximise the power of the system” — (Odum 1994, p. 251)

* Sixth principle of energetics

Material cycles have hierarchical patterns measured by the energy/mass ratio that determines its zone and pulse frequency in the energy hierarchy. (Odum 2000, p. 246). M.T. Brown and V. Buranakarn write, “Generally, energy per mass is a good indicator of recycle-ability, where materials with high energy per mass are more recyclable”

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All this.. is simply a collection of ideas and theories, stated for the sake of philosophical pondering, therefore open to discussion. Everything that has been stated in this post should be taken into mere consideration and not complete acceptance.

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Carl Rogers (January 8, 1902 – February 4, 1987) was an influential American psychologist and among the founders of the humanistic approach to psychology.

Rogers is widely considered to be one of the founding fathers of psychotherapy research and was honored for his pioneering research with the Award for Distinguished Scientific Contributions by the American Psychological Association in 1956.

For his professional work he was bestowed the Award for Distinguished Professional Contributions to Psychology in 1972.

Towards the end of his life Carl Rogers was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize for his work with national intergroup conflict in South Africa and Northern Ireland.

The person-centered approach, his own unique approach to understanding personality and human relationships.

illusion & disillusion

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The illusion of choice or control may be crucial to our motivational systems and feelings of well-being for some adaptive reasons deriving from natural selection.

Perhaps it is only the belief in internal control that keeps one actively trying to manipulate the environment, which in turn is crucial for survival.

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Who are you?

How do we form an identity?

How many types of identity are there?

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Social Identity, which is the part of an individual’s self, is a concept which derives from his/her membership in a social group, together with the value and emotional significance attached to that membership.

Ethnic Identity, which is the part of an individual’s self knowledge that concerns his/her membership in a particular ethnic group.

 

Adolescents who identify with both mainstream culture & their ethnic group, create what is called a bicultural or integrated identity.

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Those who maintain a strong ethnic identity, maintain a separated identity.

Individuals who give up their ethnic heritage in favor of mainstream culture are said to be: assimilated.

Those who feel weak ties to their own ethnic culture as well as the mainstream culture, feel marginal, since they are outsiders in both cultures. Or, they adapt and become Bi-cultural.

BiCultural Competence is the successful functioning in both one’s culture of origin as well as in the new culture.

 

Under the circumstances and according to those circumstances of a culture, the according corresponding social norms emerge.

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Social norms are rules and expectations about how group members should behave.

Whereas social role refers to the set of norms that apply people in a particular position..

Internal attributions (moods, attitudes, personality, ability, health, preferences) and external attributions (pressure, money, weather, social situation) in turn usually determine Stability Vs Instability.

Social exchange is broken down in terms of interaction, on the basis of costs and benefits to each person, of possible ways he or she can interact. Even when unaware, the process of interaction creates rewards or benefits (information, smiles, approval, money, feelings) and costs (boredom, disapproval, being misunderstood) for the people involved.

Variations in speech other than the actual verbal contact, called para-language, carry a great deal of meaning. Voice pitch, loudness, rhythm, inflection, hesitations convey information.

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This is why sometimes we intuitively “know” what the other person is about, or what is saying, or what he/she really means.

Multiple channels are the three channels of communication, verbal, visible, paralinguistic and provides most information about a person’s real emotions.

Conflicts across channels are particularly important in interpreting apparently deceptive communication.

 

In conflicting situations, the non verbal communication is the one relied upon most heavily. The instinct as one can calls it.

 

People tend to imagine that everyone responds the way they do. They tend to see their own behavior as typical. This tendency to exaggerate is called the false consensus effect.

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Self Regulation, refers to the ways in which people control and direct their own actions.

Every situation is different and therefore needs to be assessed according to the particular Self Concept.

 

An aspect of Self Regulation involves self-complexity, which is the way people think of themselves according to the different groups they belong. For example, one can be a son, a brother, a friend, a husband, a father and a man, at the same time.

Another aspect is self efficacy, which is the expectations that we hold about our abilities to accomplish certain tasks. The smoker will not stop smoking unless he believes he can do it, however much he may want to stop.

 

Self Awareness, leads people to evaluate their behavior against a standard and to set an adjustment process in motion, for meeting the standard they set for themselves.

Self Attention, causes people to compare themselves to standards such as physical appearance, intellectual performance, athletic prowess or moral integrity.

We attempt to conform to the standard, evaluate our behavior against the standard, decide that it other matches the standard or does not and continue adjusting and comparing, until we meet the standard or until we give up.

 

An accurate Self concept is knowing who we are and what we want to do.

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Something..

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” There must be a good reason why certain cities, certain places, inspire such loathing and dread. There must be some kind of perpetual murder going on in these places. The people are of the same race as you, they go about their business as people do anywhere, they build the same sort of house, no better, no worse, they have the same system of education, the same currency, the same newspapers – and yet, they are absolutely different from the other people you know and the whole atmosphere is different. It’s almost like looking at yourself in another incarnation. You know, with a most disturbing certitude, that what governs life is not money, not politics, not religion, not training, not race, not language, not customs, but something else. Something you are trying to throttle all the time and which is really throttling you, because otherwise you wouldn’t be terrified all of a sudden and wonder how you were going to escape.”

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abstract from:

Tropic of Capricorn by Henry Miller.

Tropic of Capricorn is a semi-autobiographical novel by Henry Miller, first published in Paris in 1938.

The novel was subsequently banned in the United States until a 1961 Justice Department ruling declared that its contents were not obscene.

 

To Be

“The story of man on earth bored me. Conquest, even the conquest of evil, bored me. To radiate goodness is marvelous, because it is tonic, invigorating, vitalizing. But just to be is still more marvelous, because it is endless and requires no demonstration. To be is music, which is a profanation of silence in the interests of silence, and therefore beyond good and evil.”

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“Music is the manifestation of action without activity. Music neither goads nor defends, neither seeks nor explains. Music is the noiseless sound made by the swimmer in the ocean of consciousness. It is a reward which can only be given by oneself. It is the gift of god which one is, because he has ceased thinking about god. It is an augur of the God which every one will become in due time, when all that is will be beyond imagination.”

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abstract from:

Tropic of Capricorn by Henry Miller.

Tropic of Capricorn is a semi-autobiographical novel by Henry Miller, first published in Paris in 1938.

The novel was subsequently banned in the United States until a 1961 Justice Department ruling declared that its contents were not obscene.

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Rock Bottom / Sky Ceiling

“Everything that happens, when it has significance, is in the nature of contradiction.

I imagined that somewhere outside, in life, lay the solution to all things.

I found that what I had desired all my life was not to live – if what others are doing is called living – but to express myself.

I realized that I had never the least interest in living, but only in this which i am doing now, something which is parallel to life, of it at the same time, and beyond it.

Wether I die today or tomorrow is of no importance to me, never has been.

The stabbing horror of life is not contained in calamities and disasters, because these things wake one up and one gets very familiar and intimate with them and finally they become tame again…

Suddenly you are in a city that you never expect to be in again and you have only to pass the night there, but it takes all the courage in the World to do so.

The people are of the same race as you, they go about their business as people do anywhere, they build the same sort of house, no better, no worse, they have the same system of education, the same currency even, and yet, they are absolutely different from the other people you know, and the whole atmosphere is different, the tension is different.

It’s almost like looking at yourself in another incarnation.

You know, with a most disturbing certitude, that what governs life is not money, not politics, not religion, not training, not race, not language, not customs, but something else, something you are trying to throttle all the time and which is really throttling you, because otherwise you woulnd’t be wondering how you were going to escape.

This bridge is the end, the end of me, the end of my known world.

This bridge is insanity, there is no reason why it should stand there and no reason why people should cross it.

People everywhere are producing crops and goods for other people – and I am like a ghost sliding between all this unintelligible activity.

I want to find some kind of work, but I don’t want to be a part of this thing, this infernal automatic process.

I was a contradiction in essence, as they say.

People took me to be serious and strong-minded, or to be happy and reckless, or to be sincere and earnest, or to be negligent and carefree.

I was all these things at once – and beyond that I was something else.

I searched the known and the yet unknown world and all the answers are over the bridge, that binds all that is true with what is real with what is imaginary and what is going to be.

At this point nothing is hardly enough. nothing.

At the point of rock bottom, at the point of peak, in any isolating true moment, music is very important.

Music is a tonic for the pineal gland.

It is the can-opener of the soul.

It makes you terribly quiet inside, makes you aware that there’s a roof to your being.”

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abstract from:

Tropic of Capricorn by Henry Miller.

Tropic of Capricorn is a semi-autobiographical novel by Henry Miller, first published in Paris in 1938.

The novel was subsequently banned in the United States until a 1961 Justice Department ruling declared that its contents were not obscene.

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